“Stick a fork in it.” This might be a top-notch tip for preparing a turkey, but we think it should generally be avoided in Thanksgiving dinner conversation. Families seem to be under a lot of pressure to amp-up their suppertime small-talk, especially on this nationally sanctioned day of quality time. So to better prepare for a lull in the conversation, Elfster suggests you inject a splash of humor, and history, into this year’s festivities. You can get the Butterball rolling by using these pilgrim-approved words of thanks:
“What do you say?”…
• Father, I am most mightily beholden to you for the generous portion of slaw.
• Mother, I see the lima bean casserole has not returned for this year’s festivities, and I give you many thanks.
• Grandpa, I am very much obliged to you for your tips on the art of turkey-basting, but please stand aside.
• Thanks with a bowed heart for sparing us the details of your last trip to the podiatrist, Uncle Jim.
• Aunt Midge, a thousand times I thank you for hinting at the parsley betwixt my teeth.
• Grandma, with all my heart I thank you for withholding the photos of Timmy’s tonsillectomy.
• Most hearty thanks for your tolerance of Dad’s corny jokes… Get it? Corny?
• Aunt Midge, we thank you kindly for removing your dentures from the crystal ware.
• Brother Larry, I thank you of your good will, but one helping of pickled beets is more than ample for one year.
• I thank you, mine host, for another delightful evening of slurred speech.
• Timmy, I thank you heartily, on behalf of the cat, for setting down the electric carving knife.
• I humbly thank you, but no, Grandpa… The turkey is not on “roids”.
Now that you’re well-versed in Old English thanks, you might want to start your Elfster gift exchange for the holidays. Invite your family and friends… Pretty soon, they’ll be thanking you!
Most hearty thanks for ye olde tips around the Butterball. I am very obliged for the generosity that has been bestowed upon this corn casserole and environs.