Let’s get one thing clear. We’ll wear white whenever we please.
Hard to believe, but there are still some sticklers out there who maintain that wearing white after Labor Day is the ultimate crime of fashion. Sure, we have our theories on where those crazy notions came from (Prima Donna polar bears, we’re looking at you…) But here at Elfster, we’ve got our own almanac of arbitrary style no-no’s.
We know what you’re thinking. With garishly stripped stockings and a jingle bell on each foot, an Elf’s interpretation of “fashion” is about as loose as a pair of control-top pantyhose. But that’s doesn’t mean we’re completely without standards. Just take a look at our top secrets to smashing seasonal style and judge for yourself:
- No rhinestone-studded beer goggles after New Year’s.
- No “I’m With Stupid” T-shirts before Valentine’s.
- Only artificial mohair after Groundhog Day. (Preferably pink.)
- No green body suits until St. Patrick’s Day.
- Mandatory Dunce Caps on April Fools’.
- Earth tones on Earth Day, if you please.
- No terry cloth mankinis after Spring Break ‘07.
- Mullets strictly prohibited after Father’s Day.
- No stars OR stripes before the Fourth of July.
- False Hillbilly teeth are frowned upon after Halloween.
- Feather boas must wait until Thanksgiving leftovers are finished.
- Pointy hats acceptable year round.
Do you have any seasonal style rules or other arbitrary fashion mandates? We’d like to hear them!
Now, will you please consider doing something about those socks…