This may come as a bit of a shock, but not everyone in the North Pole is thrilled about this Christmas in July business.
The “Politically Polite” Elf is rather non-denominational when it comes to commercial holidays. On these festive occasions, nothing gives him more jollies than being more “PC” than the next elf. Each year, the PC Elf gleefully looks forward to showing-off his superficial understanding of major and minor world religions, making sure that all are represented with equal cheer in his holiday greeting cards. And don’t even get him started on salutations! Correcting a “Merry Christmas” with a pointed “Seasons Greetings” is his proverbial bread and butter. (Or is that his gingerbread and butter?)
Anyway, you might be wondering, how will PC Elf ever incorporate this burning desire for political correctness with his snooty sense of one-up-manship this summer, while the rest of the commercial world is merrily celebrating “Christmas in July”? We’re so glad you asked!
Elfster would like to announce a new observance of totally untimely holiday celebrations just for our progressive PC Elves. We shall call it: “December in July (A Non-Denominational Affair)”. This event is chock-full of all-inclusive alternatives to Christmas in July, which are designed to demonstrate the PC Elf’s unparalleled open-mindedness, thus endearing him to every individual in the whole wide world. Excited? Here’s the official roster of events!
December in July (A Non-Denominational Affair) :
Week 1: Hanukkah in July – Shaloms away!
Week 2: Kwanzaa in July – Libation Piña Coladas, anyone?
Week 3: Winter Solstice in July – Don your Druid speedo.
Week 4: Boxing Day in July – Still don’t know what it is, but let’s celebrate anyway!
Week 5: New Years Eve in July – Independence Day Part II.
Week 6: Festivus in July – For the “rest of us” who still watch Seinfeld religiously.
Have we forgotten to include any groups in the festivities? Let us know! Tell us how you’ll celebrate December in July and we’ll be sure to add it to the PC Elf’s calendar. Together, you can scoff at anyone who doesn’t do the same.
Merry July!
Photo credits: Melissa Brawner , Robert Zunikoff